Let me guess; all this financial crisis, meltdown talk has you more confused than Barack Obama trying his balance his checkbook

The Bailout for Democrats

Dem= ocrats are running around like Richard Simmons on Crack and I think I know why. <= /span>

Let= me guess; this entire financial crisis, “meltdown talk” has you mo= re confused than Barack Obama trying to his balance his checkbook? I thought s= o. Terms like the Libor rate, securitization, liquidity and fiscal stimulus le= aves you feeling just plain stupid. So; you ask, am I that friggin stupid? Well, yes, yes you are. Your first clue should have been that short bus your pare= nts put you on as they stood on the curb and waved like monkeys as some nurse ratchet strapped a helmet on your big ole water head. But hey; that’s= all in the past… your past. Anyway, water head, that’s why I’m here. To convert the simple into bite sized nuggets of special Ed. Just for= you Skippy!

The= Libor is the rate of interest banks charge each other; if they loaned to each oth= er. Since they don’t, and probably never will again; let’s justR= 30; never mind, doesn’t matter. Now; this is important so pencils down; a= ll eyes on me. Oh; and set up straight, after all, humpbacks and water heads c= an only get work in Romanian towers atop gargoyles. So… posture matters. Anyway, the “fiscal stimulus” you’ve been seeing on television, “between Jefferson re-runs”. Actually it’s not that difficult. Think of it this wa= y; Barney Frank spent too much time sidling Freddie’s Fannie and this ma= de your $100,000.00 house worth about what a “happy meal” costs. Which; when you think about it, is kind of ironic considering you have to b= e up at 4:00 A.M. to start making happy meals. By the way; “Ironic” means it’s a hoot for everyone but you. Makes you wish you’d pa= id more attention in math class instead of drooling over Sally with the braces= and jumbo ears.

Oka= y; now your, “happy meal” house is mortgaged to the hilt and because of the downturn in the economy there’s no overtime for you at those gold= en arches. And; you’re too damn lazy to pickup cans and too stupid to rob banks. What’s a liberal idiot to do? Well; you may have an out that d= oesn’t get you off the couch or cause you to miss ̶= 0;Weezzie” giving George what for. That is if you were lucky enough to finance your ho= use with either Citigroup or Bank of America. Because; if you did,= if you pinned your tail on either of those donkeys, then guess what Billy Joe = Bob? This is your lucky day! Go ahead and crack open another Falstaff, kick your= dog and kiss your cousin cause you just got luckier than an adopted kitty outsi= de a Korean restaurant.

Why? I’ll tell you why, because they are insolvent. Our benevolent governm= ent, “benevolent is what your sister is when she lets you sleep one off, on her back porch” whipped out the federal credit card and bought both b= anks for ten times what they are worth. And, now, between them, they couldn̵= 7;t finance fifteen minutes with the Spitzer girl if they both had a buy one get one free coupon.

I&#= 8217;m sorry; I just realized that you’ve probably stopped scratching your a= ss and now have your, “butt hand” scratching your head, wondering; just what the hell is, “insolvent”? Let me explain it this way… remember when you spent your whole paycheck at the jingly bar, “one dollar at a time” and couldn’t pay the rent on your double wide? You had to sleep in your truck and dumpster dive for dried che= ese, off pizza boxes. You were insolvent! Now… solvent is what you drink w= hen you’re out of beer money.

Her= e’s what you need to know. As an uneducated, democrat rube, you have all the qualifications for stimulus. And; I don’t mean what happens to you wh= en your 250 lb. cousin bends over in front of you. Obama has a promise for you= . He won’t rest until he finds a productive citizen to take from so your l= azy ass can continue producing offspring with buck teeth and rickets. Hellavu country isn’t it?

Con= servative Springfield 12 Feb 09